What's your sign today?

September, is here and my flight awaits, the list of things to do, pack, and check off are too long to count, but they are all swimming around in my head! I've finally gotten rid of my guilty coffee and decided that, since it is only a week until I leave, I am going to savor the moments with my boys. Today, I had a great day, Robin came round for lunch, and as always we had a good laugh, and I see how the boys are so comfortable with her, they are going to get on great, infact she is going to spoil them, get them use to the good life... I mean come on, matching clothes, clean faces, seprate spoons, how will they ever be able to go back!

No, but in all honesty, thank you so much to eveyone that has read this blog and told me what I needed to hear, " you are not a bad mother for taking this trip on your own" I needed to hear it again and again, and finally it sunk in, and you know how I know? Well let me share.

Today, we were in the park and I was introduced to a friend of a friend and in the conversation that continued the Canada trip came up and as I have encountered in the past the reaction was "by yourself, won't that be hard"? And I got all Jersey in my head like "oah no you dident!"

You know how we women are, we read into things, not always what is said, but how it's said or what they didn't say, or what they should of said first. Well, at that moment I went into my freudian defensive speil saying how ohhh well if Henke were to go away on a course for 10 days no one would even comment on it. And then my friend "Miss P" said "it's okay to want to go, and enjoy yourself!", and suddenly it was like all of the support I've gotten from all of the beautiful women in my life, came together and I floated away! There I was off on my tandom...yadda yadda yadda, and it hit me....

If someone truly wouldn't want to do what I am about to do, especially a stranger, then the easiest thing to say would be,,, wow how fun and nice for you to get to see your family, hope you get nice weather! (sorry couldn't help to get that weather joke in, if you've read the blog you know what I'm referring to) This is so because it leaves them not wanting for anything right, but maybe they would like to be able to have 10 days of alone time, but they too, are drinking that guilty coffee, just like me, and their initial reaction is coming from their own issues and really they are voicing their own inner monolog without even knowing it. I might be way off, maybe that mom was truly concerned that I was going to have a terrible time away from my kids, and just thought she would warn me, because God knows I haven't even given it a thought right!

Then, tonight my cousin Chelsea posted an awsome video on facebook where they photographed mothers holding a sign, and on the sign was their answer to the question... "what would you tell yourself if you could go back just before having your first child."Many of the signs brought tears to my eyes, but one was so fitting for this blog it said "It's okay to want a break".... now I just want to write a sign saying I'm taking a break, I'll be back!

Guilty coffee

So yes I am so looking forward to making the trip back home to see everyone, but I must admit, I feel as though I have the weight of a thousand stones on my shoulders, because we still haven't worked out who is going to watch the kids. Initially, Henrik was going to take holidays and paternity days to stay home with them when I booked the ticket! Two weeks later he had started his own company, well I guess you could say we had, since I was very much part of the decision to do so, and now everything changes! What am I going to do? Every morning I drink my coffee while the kids eat their breakfast smiling and grining at me and it's as with each sip the guilt is rising from the pit of my stomach to the top of my eyelids, until they are almost brimming with tears.
Henrik insists that he is going to work it out between his mom and some friends our ours but I can't help it, I'm riddled with it.

Who says you can't go home!

This time it's my cousin Jenna's wedding that gave me the goods to talk Henrik into letting me go, not so much the me going part, but the me leaving him with all the kids. Did I mention the twins are mobile now!

Well maybe you can't truly go "home" but an 11 day stunt in Toronto and Ottawa with family is pretty close. I can't wait but at the same time I worry about the kids, Alfred heard that I was going to Canada without him on the plane and he started to cry immediately and then just as fast the tears stopped when I promised to buy him the buzz light year plastic wing set! His part of the conversation went like this.... " I don't want you to go.... I reply "but mummy can bring you back a present from Canada" and then he said "okay, can you get me the buzz wings mom, don't forget, write it down so you don't forget. Do you want me to get you a paper so you can write it down?"

Well to be honest I didn't offer him the present first, I told him..." I'm going to see Gammie and we are staying in a hotel and there are no other kids or toys or tv's there, it's better you stay with papa"... to which he responded... uhhhh mom you don't want to go, then all you will have to do is sit and talk, talk, talk,.... that's so boring" I digress from this topic, it's clear he is his father's son.

So fitting for the title of this blog memories of our youth, some of them I record now as they happen and others surface from the past, but really these 11 days with my family will be a true trip home not just to Canada but to the stories and memories of my youth. My grandmother Mary was the best storyteller I have ever met, and I can still see her sitting at the kitchen table telling the best stories. It didn't matter that we had heard them a thousand times, you still enjoyed them as much as you did the first time you heard it. That's what I miss, what I crave, this reconnection to where I come from, my cousin has booked us into a rejuvenation water treatment spa, it's all the rage in Toronto... anyway this trip is the rejuvenation I need for my soul.

Yes my family is loud, and louder, with lots of drama, and hamlet moments, but on the other hand they love with their whole hearts, and their hearts are the biggest on this planet. I've been the odd one out for so long now, the weird Canadian that talks to much and lives with her emotions at her fingertips, I alway say the wrong thing, especially when I'm nervous or in uncomfortable silences, and I can never hide what I'm thinking or feeling, it's written all over my face. And sometimes, when I am quiet, it's as if I am saying the most.. how about that for irony. So yes, eleven days to disappear in the beautiful chaos that I was brought up in, everyone is talking and everyone has an opinion and we never never never discuss the weather!

Pirates of Blekinge

Alfred was invited to a friends birthday party this Sunday and everyone is to dress up as pirates! So now I am going to finally dig into my box of material scraps and make some costumes for the gang! We're watching Pipi sails the Seven Seas for inspiration right now. Hopefully my talents will be able to match his vision, when he was only 2 we went to a pirate concert but I got away with using a pre-fab HM shirt! - This is a photo from the summer 08.

Me and the Boys

Today was Henke's first day back at work after a long vacation and some paternity leave. It's the return to the "real" life as we say... when everything that we have been putting on hold because of "vacation" rules kick in, and ohh I'm already drowning in the pressure of it all.

After tripping over kids left and right while trying to get some cooking, baking, cleaning and organizing done I finally threw in the towel and towed the three bears down to the beach with me!
Yet another sunny warm day that couldn't be wasted... if you remember my post about the Swedish sun culture!

Well my friends I'm going back to the kitchen to continue organizing my Nigella pantry into a Martha Stewart one.... sans the crumbsnatchers at my feet!

Finding a gemstone!

I woke up this morning itching to go down to the garage and look at our new cupboard that we found at the flea market outside of town. It's funny how something like bringing a new piece of furniture can inspire you to get started on those boring "things to do", for almost a year now I have been meaning to organize the pantry, and since I need to go through my kitchen cupboards to fill the new one, I said "right" today's the day! So this morning armed with a strong cup of coffee I started the task... lets just hope I can stick it out and complete it! As you see I'm taking a computer break, and now I hear the twins waking from their morning nap... well watch the progress by Friday the entire kitchen should be done!

The Summer Stress of Sweden

Coming from the west coast of Canada I was a bit spoiled, I mean yes we get a lot of rain there but the winters are mild and spring comes early, and basically everything in between is great.

Moving to Sweden made me realize why the people here have an obsession with the weather... lets face it on my little island from October to March it's dark cold and windy! So when the sun finally comes out, the Swedes flock to the beach to soak it up like a man that's just crossed the desert without any water! This month has been extremely hot and sunny... I don't know how many times I've used the Swedish phrase, "passa på", which loosely translated is "enjoy it while it lasts" the only problem is, when you don't make it to the beach you feel guilty about staying inside. Constantly, in my head I'm saying "wow the weather is so great we should be outside..." let me tell you, I've never said this to myself in Vancouver. Anyway my point is, after a good solid 2 weeks of enjoying the weather outside, I was praying for rain just so I could in all good conscious stay inside for the day! Well, it was a hallelujah moment yesterday after giving the twins their breakfast, the rain started coming down in buckets with lightning and thunder!

And yet today I wake and here comes the sun again, uhhh! The irony is, two months from now I'll be ready to shell out some hard cash on those fake sun energy lights that simulate an hour of this glorious stuff that we're getting free right now!