Skinny Jeans!

Last night Maria came over and hung out while I catharticly cleaned out my closet, stuff to throw out, stuff to donate, and stuff to one day dream of fitting into again. Just as I finished going though the last shelf / basket in my closet there they were.... my skinny jeans, and as I opened them up in front of me, lifting them over my head to get full view, I realized something... man these are some pretty outdated ugly jeans! Which sent my mind racing, when exactly did I have these jeans on last, yes I remember, like the day after my wedding 11 years ago. Man have I been fat for over a decade! Talk about depressing, now I have to go out and bye new skinny jeans because who is going to be motivated to try in get into something that was cool in 1999! Not me.... you see, now I've solved the riddle of why I just can't lose weight, I had the wrong skinny jean motivation.... God knows I'll try everything to be thin again... well besides diet, and oh I'm not so keen on the working out part either!

The chore list!

So today I spent the majority of the twins nap time vacuuming the house. It seems that I spend a lot of my time doing this chore lately, something that I loathed as a child. It was always on my chore list since I was the oldest and therefore the strongest! Why might you ask is strength a requirement when vacuuming, I'll tell you in one word "fliterqueen". Yes this was the R2D2 of vacuums and it weighed a ton and never went in the direction that you wanted it to go in. Man I hated that thing, and I thought it ironic that they call the steel nossel the beaterbar,,, yah you could beat someone with this. I'm telling you someone breaks in forget the baseball bat reach for the beaterbar, it's longer! and has a bunch of cords sticking out of it, with brass prongs!

So now I am older and a total transformation has happened, a miracle if you may, I actually enjoy vacuuming, the hum drowns out the background noise that I am otherwise listening to nonstop and it leaves me with my thoughts. Who needs expensive hyper floating tanks? Not to mention my favorite part when you hear the dirt getting sucked up it's like your the Rambo of cleaners, destroying small villages of crumbs, sand, and stones. In my head I hear the Mafia boss saying "send in the cleaner"!

Anyway, back to what I wanted to share with you, as I said earlier I hated vacuuming as a child and teenager at home, and every time I had to do it you can bet I complained to which my father always rebutted with the same question.... "You don't want to be like Linda Capper do you"? Who may you ask is Linda Capper, well if she only knew the impact she has made on my life, not a vacuuming session goes by without her name popping up, still to this day, and now I am sharing the infamous Linda Capper story with you.

Linda Capper, she was the daughter of my Nana's best friend and rival Joyce Capper. Linda was one of two daughters that never had to lift a finger at home, their mother waited on them hand and foot. So the answer to my Dad's rhetorical question that he always asked when the vacuuming discussion came up was... "You don't want to be like Linda Capper do you? She got married and didn't even know how to turn on the vacuum- then her husband left her!"

So there you go, this summer Henrik and I will be married for 11 years, all thanks to those great vacuuming skills I picked up in my youth! Linda, Linda, Linda, let your story be the beacon for all kids hating the duty of vacuuming!

What are you talking about?

Who ever came up with the expression "sleeping like a baby".... I think people are using it in the wrong context, I mean I suppose when we say "I slept like a baby" or "He's sleeping like a baby" we are talking about good sleep. Well if you think about it, sleeping like a baby could also mean waking up 4 times a night screaming your head off waiting for someone to come in and give you something to eat! Hej wouldn't that be nice!

Judging a book by it's cover!

So the girls and I are finally getting a book club started, or at least setting a deadline to decide when to start one... and only after a few years of talking about it. That's progress my friends.

We finally decided that we would all come up with a suggestion for a book, and the only rule is it has to be something you haven't read before. Great right! no, wrong! It was my suggestion about choosing a book you've never read before.... what was I thinking? Talk about adding the pressure of having to judge a book by it's cover.
Today, I was talking to Zoe and she was having the same dilemma! Which made me think of yet another Joeyism that I wanted to blurt out in the phone to her. Here goes:

My parents were arguing with my brother and half way through the conversation he starts changing his mind or standpoint, and my mom calls him on it and says "Joey that's not what you said 5 minutes ago" and my brother replies "Okay fine, I totally disagree with myself!" Yep that's right say it again, because it even gets funnier the more you say it..... "Fine, I totally disagree with myself"

So I'm disagreeing with myself and picking a book I want to read again "The handmaiden's Tale" by Margret Atwood- cheers

Come and Eat!!

Lately every time I put food on the table my 3 year old lets out the biggest sigh.... oh no not fish, ohhhh no not this, not that, which is just what you want to hear when you've spent time making a healthy home cooked well balanced meal for your family. When I ask him what he wants to eat, it's usually pancakes or cereal!
The other night after whipping up some home made pasta carbornara and hearing Alfred's ohhh nej! yet again, I had a flash back from my own childhood. I grew up with a steak and potatoes two veg, salad and garlic bread dad, and each night when sitting down to this feast all I really wanted and longed for was macaroni and cheese from a box. The brand in Canada is called Kraft Dinner, my dad renamed it Crap Dinner. (that's his thing he has nicknames for everyone and everything)
Anyway one night my dad was playing in a baseball tournament, and therefore my mom was happy to make us kids this 10 min meal. I was so excited I asked if I could have a friend from down the street over for dinner- sure goes mom. I race outside and invite my friend, he replies what are you having, I say with great enthusiasm Kraft Dinner. My friend lets out a sigh and says uhhh no thanks we have that all the time. I said okay and turned around to make my way slowly back home, head hanging, sad not to have the company, but mostly I was thinking wow! That kid must be the luckiest guy in the world!

So, here I am serving up food that just can't compete with Crap Dinner!

Failing an army physical

Since being pregnant with the twins, I've had the worst sore feet, so bad that I've almost been tempted to use my uncle's lame expression "Wow these dogs are barking!" - and I hate when people say that! Turns out I have fallen arches, in other words I'm a flat footed momma! Destine for ugly reliable shoes! Ok, so what does this mean? Are my chances of becoming a foot model for some kinky foot fetish Internet site over? or what!

I always thought fallen arches was something old ladies complained about to each other while waiting in the doctors office for their name to be called. But now I'm one of them... without any warning I have been initiated into their circle, but I refuse to go quiet into that good night my friend! Instead of joining them I'm going to take the opposite approach, I can be happy, look at it this way the army won't want me in case of the draft!

Ok, while I was typing this my husband comes over and asks me "Can I unplug the power to the computer for a second or are you writing something?" My answer was "Sure, I'm only fake typing Henrik... go ahead". Yikes do you think he loves me for my sarcasm? Lets hope so cause he just got a loving spoonful of it just then.

Dream Job!

Today while cleaning my kitchen I was listening to the radio as usual. After every few songs comes a slew of ads which are annoying, I usually change stations or just tune them out with my highly developed selective hearing, but today my radar picked something up that had me smiling for hours.

The radio ad was actually for selling radio time to companies who are looking for employees- so instead of taking out a help wanted ad in the local paper you could have a voice ad on their station. OK, so far so good, then we get to their selling point of why air time is better than the regular run of the mill help wanted ads in the paper....
....wait for it....

the woman announcer in her perky voice states.... "maybe the person that best fits your employment needs doesn't know where to even find your help wanted ad! that's why radio ads are better."

Okay back the truck up for just a second people, I'm thinking who the heck is in this target group? You mean to tell me there are a bunch of companies desperately searching for someone that doesn't read the help wanted ads in the paper when looking for work!!!! why? Are these candidates too stupid? Illiterate perhaps? or so unmotivated that picking up a newspaper to find a job is just too hard. I'm I the only one that is perplexed by this.

Anyway, Friday is finally here, Alfred and Henrik have gone to the carwash, it's half price after nine at night. He's a frugal man after my dad's heart!