First Impressions+ Work

Friday
 Not just any Friday but the first Friday after the first official week of regular school.  The verdicts are in, and all of my students are getting rave reviews! From the shy and timid to the charismatic they all had me at hello.  And I have to ask myself, were they always like this? Just right in front of me, plain as day? And was I just too cloudy to see them? What ever the answer I am grateful, truly, for my wonderful colleagues that stuck by me when the going got tough. 

I awoke early Tuesday morning, to a message that my uncle had passed away during the night. I was of course hit with the overwhelming isolation that those who have immigrated only truly understand. I was here, and all of my tribe back home were circling around to share the sorrow, the air, and that existential mood. That connective thread that we all share to those in our family is undeniably strong when one is taken from the group. It's as if there is a gravitational pull both mentally and physically.  When my husband awoke I told him of my sad news and he immediately suggested that I stay home from work, but I answered no with out a blink of an eye. 

It was there that my colleagues listened to me, and shared that heavy air, so that it became lighter and lighter, by the end of the day I could once again breathe. The tight knot in my stomach that had tied itself when I got the news that my cousin was called to return to her father's bedside, had started to loosen and I could let some tears out and yes not feel so far away from home. 

My uncle was a wonderful man, and I have so many fond memories of the kindness he showed me especially when I was a rebellious teenager.  But my uncle to say the least was not a very social person, and I had my first big smile when thinking of him the other day. I called my mother to inquire about the funeral, and she replied " He didn't want one, so there will not be one" And there it came! The smile, because my Uncle was true to who he was right to the end! Go uncle Nick! There is something to be said about a person who can swim against the stream, I'm hoping it's a family trait. This last wish of his and the family respecting it, sends a vital message to my nearly "hitting the wall" self that is loud and clear. "Be yourself and those that love you will accept you" 

Some Moments Are Longer Than Others

Today was a day that started off great and ended up as a night to remember. As I do almost every Sunday in the summer, I got up early and started the coffee to make take-away lattes for my loppis girls. Anna picked me up just after 8 and we were off with a pocket full of change and an empty sturdy carrying bag yet to be filled with the day's finds at the local flea market. Just as always Ronneby Brunn never fails to delight. The weather was great and there were loads of tables with interesting things, I was on a new mission to find things for a fall winter conversion of our balcony as well as my usual list: antique linens and toys for the kids. Today I managed to find an old pot that was over 200 years old that will now hold a small evergreen shrub. And I just decided at this moment that they colours out there will be green red copper and some light blue. I can slowly see all of the layers coming together in my mind the fun part is making them appear in reality. 

Later today a colleague that I have had for over 10 years came by, and although we had worked on projects together in the past, we never really have connected on anything but a work level. But after tonight I have so much to thank her for, and even if we never hang out again I will look back on this night and our conversation as one of those moments in time where you realize something and the effect of that are so big that the whole notion of time freezes and transcends the entire concept of it. I can honestly say that sitting at my table tonight with her over a cup of tea I realized so many hard truths about myself and my life that I am still in a bit of a shock. It's like I've been fast forwarded to some other kind of understanding and realization that usually comes with years and yet here in one night bam, and now I just need to wait for my body to catch up! 

Tonight I realized, and this is big, that despite all the trials and tribulations I went though this past year physically, emotionally and mentally, I would do it all again!!!! Simply because I realized that the person I was before all of this happened is not the person I want to be. The girl that I was, seems so far away now, and I look back, and I am thankful that I won't be her again. I remember when I was teaching IB we had to pick a favorite quote and mine was "Once a perspective has been widened it can never be narrowed" and this night will go down in my personal growth history as the night I realized all things really do happen for a reason. And tonight I got many of my why questions answered =)

Home sweet home, and jet lag

The house is quiet with only the sound of my keys typing away. Here I am again jetlagged from Vancouver time. Over the years I have come to appreciate the small treats that come along with returning home after an extended vacation. That moment of falling exhausted into your own bed must be at the top of the list. The familiar scent of your home, that first shower and a cup of coffee made in your own kitchen. Don't get me wrong jet lag is tough but I'm trying to savor all of those little pleasures that pop up after coming home. I can't believe how much the twins have changed in only 17 days, I took them to the park today just so we can have some alone time, and I caught myself tearing up because they have gotten so big all of a sudden, they are talking up a storm in full sentences. Later we went to pick Alfred up from hockey camp, he had a ball! I don't know where that kid gets all his energy!