30 Day Challenge

After watching a TED talk the other night about setting a goal for yourself for 30 days, I decided, I too wanted to embark on something like this.  So today at work while discussing this with my colleagues I decided that my challenge would be to sit down once a day and write a handwritten letter to a friend or family member.  The idea being that after a month 30 people will have gotten a message in the post from me, letting them know that they matter.

Now a days we have so little time, and I wish that I spent more of it on the people in my circle that have always been there to support me. So this month is going to be about thanking them.  Thanking them with my time and consideration.  Today, I sat down and wrote my first note, it took me 20 minutes and I enjoyed every second of it! The reflection that comes with putting pen to paper is truly wonderful.  I really understand why people journal, why the best therapy can be that inner dialogue between your brain and your fingers either scribbling away on a paper, or dancing on the keyboard.  My goals for this challenge are 1. to actually complete it, and 2. to encourage others to do the same.  I guess only time will tell! Tomorrow I know who will be getting letter number two and I am already planning what I want to say in it to her!

Going to bed excited tonight, and I'm shocked to realize how often that has been happening lately, since getting healthy and spending time cultivating art and expression in my life.  I'm so happy to be back here, it literally has been years since visiting this state.

First Impressions+ Work

Friday
 Not just any Friday but the first Friday after the first official week of regular school.  The verdicts are in, and all of my students are getting rave reviews! From the shy and timid to the charismatic they all had me at hello.  And I have to ask myself, were they always like this? Just right in front of me, plain as day? And was I just too cloudy to see them? What ever the answer I am grateful, truly, for my wonderful colleagues that stuck by me when the going got tough. 

I awoke early Tuesday morning, to a message that my uncle had passed away during the night. I was of course hit with the overwhelming isolation that those who have immigrated only truly understand. I was here, and all of my tribe back home were circling around to share the sorrow, the air, and that existential mood. That connective thread that we all share to those in our family is undeniably strong when one is taken from the group. It's as if there is a gravitational pull both mentally and physically.  When my husband awoke I told him of my sad news and he immediately suggested that I stay home from work, but I answered no with out a blink of an eye. 

It was there that my colleagues listened to me, and shared that heavy air, so that it became lighter and lighter, by the end of the day I could once again breathe. The tight knot in my stomach that had tied itself when I got the news that my cousin was called to return to her father's bedside, had started to loosen and I could let some tears out and yes not feel so far away from home. 

My uncle was a wonderful man, and I have so many fond memories of the kindness he showed me especially when I was a rebellious teenager.  But my uncle to say the least was not a very social person, and I had my first big smile when thinking of him the other day. I called my mother to inquire about the funeral, and she replied " He didn't want one, so there will not be one" And there it came! The smile, because my Uncle was true to who he was right to the end! Go uncle Nick! There is something to be said about a person who can swim against the stream, I'm hoping it's a family trait. This last wish of his and the family respecting it, sends a vital message to my nearly "hitting the wall" self that is loud and clear. "Be yourself and those that love you will accept you" 

Some Moments Are Longer Than Others

Today was a day that started off great and ended up as a night to remember. As I do almost every Sunday in the summer, I got up early and started the coffee to make take-away lattes for my loppis girls. Anna picked me up just after 8 and we were off with a pocket full of change and an empty sturdy carrying bag yet to be filled with the day's finds at the local flea market. Just as always Ronneby Brunn never fails to delight. The weather was great and there were loads of tables with interesting things, I was on a new mission to find things for a fall winter conversion of our balcony as well as my usual list: antique linens and toys for the kids. Today I managed to find an old pot that was over 200 years old that will now hold a small evergreen shrub. And I just decided at this moment that they colours out there will be green red copper and some light blue. I can slowly see all of the layers coming together in my mind the fun part is making them appear in reality. 

Later today a colleague that I have had for over 10 years came by, and although we had worked on projects together in the past, we never really have connected on anything but a work level. But after tonight I have so much to thank her for, and even if we never hang out again I will look back on this night and our conversation as one of those moments in time where you realize something and the effect of that are so big that the whole notion of time freezes and transcends the entire concept of it. I can honestly say that sitting at my table tonight with her over a cup of tea I realized so many hard truths about myself and my life that I am still in a bit of a shock. It's like I've been fast forwarded to some other kind of understanding and realization that usually comes with years and yet here in one night bam, and now I just need to wait for my body to catch up! 

Tonight I realized, and this is big, that despite all the trials and tribulations I went though this past year physically, emotionally and mentally, I would do it all again!!!! Simply because I realized that the person I was before all of this happened is not the person I want to be. The girl that I was, seems so far away now, and I look back, and I am thankful that I won't be her again. I remember when I was teaching IB we had to pick a favorite quote and mine was "Once a perspective has been widened it can never be narrowed" and this night will go down in my personal growth history as the night I realized all things really do happen for a reason. And tonight I got many of my why questions answered =)

Home sweet home, and jet lag

The house is quiet with only the sound of my keys typing away. Here I am again jetlagged from Vancouver time. Over the years I have come to appreciate the small treats that come along with returning home after an extended vacation. That moment of falling exhausted into your own bed must be at the top of the list. The familiar scent of your home, that first shower and a cup of coffee made in your own kitchen. Don't get me wrong jet lag is tough but I'm trying to savor all of those little pleasures that pop up after coming home. I can't believe how much the twins have changed in only 17 days, I took them to the park today just so we can have some alone time, and I caught myself tearing up because they have gotten so big all of a sudden, they are talking up a storm in full sentences. Later we went to pick Alfred up from hockey camp, he had a ball! I don't know where that kid gets all his energy!

Sometimes you have to just follow your heart!

On Sunday I sold stuff once again at the local loppis, and managed to get rid of a lot of stuff. At the same time I bought some of the coolest things for the apartment from those selling around me;) Henke just laughed and shook his head. Here are some of my finds from this weekend.

Our balcony

Tomorrow is yet another loppis day and I have three plants that I still need to find pots for. How fun! Our balcony has become my therapy, it's a no stress zone and whoever sits out there seems to recharge their batteries too. This weeks sewing project is to get the pillows done for the sofa and hope for clear skies!

Clearing out the garage

Today Ullis and I were sellers at the flea market, but I still had some time to make a short round. I found a kockums strainer that I new would make a perfect home for one of my plants in need of a pot. It was fun to get rid of some odds and ends but finding stuff at the loppis is always the best.

My tiny balcony garden

Truly it must be a sign of old age! The greatest pleasure is getting up early and sneaking out to the balcony with my morning coffee in hand to check on all of my plants! I can't describe the solace I feel out there. If I could I'd spend all of my days out here. The best part is most of the stuff I've picked up at flea markets and second hand stores. It's so fun to find something and just know you have the perfect spot for it!

Dinner guests

Last night we had Helene and Micke and their kids over for dinner, I made pulled pork and slaw. I managed to stay away from dessert but I had two glasses of wine! So I'm not really looking forward to stepping on the scale, but perhaps I'll walk out to Wamo today to get in some extra exercise. Last night was great, the kids had a blast and we still got to bed at a decent hour... I might be getting old but That's what I call a perfect Friday night!

Day 4

Super tired this morning and pouring the kids cereal gave me the biggest carb craving! But no time for that, 2nd coffee then work in that order!

Day 3

So according to the scales I've already lost 3 pounds on this diet, I still don't want to try the dress on to see if it fits any better but I'm glad that the scales are moving in the right direction! 17 pounds to go and two months to do it in yikes!

The bridesmaid dress

I picked up the bridesmaid dress I will be wearing to my brothers wedding this summer from the post office yesterday. I finally got the courage to try it on after a few hours of finding other things to busy myself with! Yes since ordering the dress and its arrival I've put on a good 15 pounds! Long story short the dress "fits" if you can call it that, but it ain't pretty my friends! So I have two months to improve the situation and I'm starting my setting two fast rules. 1. I'm back on the dredged low carb diet and 2. I'm going to go for walks every night. I'm really scared I'll be messing up those wedding photos by looking like Jabba the Hut in them! So I need accountability, and here I will try to get it, by blogging about the next two months and my struggle to get into this bridesmaids dress!

Cabin fever

This week I've been home on sick leave taking care of sick twins and husband. Alfie was lucky enough to skate by, touch wood. Being home with the kids was hard but on the other hand it gave me time to organize things in my head, and strangely enough all the things that seemed to be falling apart now seem to be falling into place. How you like them apples!